Herp Sizes in a Way We All can Understand

6/6/2024

Adult, male Little Grass Frog on Ty's Thumb | © Ty Smith

Intro

I have given a lot of programs and talks and one thing that never fails is someone asking, "Now how big is that.", while demonstrating a size with their hands that is way off... Now, I am not irritated that this keeps happening, just a bit disappointed. I am not disappointed by my subject's lack of knowledge, because I am showing something most people on this planet will never see in person. I am disappointed in my inability to convey size well. I have even put the average size on the slides, and people still struggle. Lately I have seen those memes to the tune of "Americans will measure in anything but metric", and I got this wild idea. Let's measure some herps in this way!

Now, as a disclaimer, this article is meant to be comedic and informative. That said, I will be going off of averages, so don't get mad when I say something is 6 inches, and the object that you have is 6.21 inches... I am not intending to "dunk on" anyone in particular, or mock Americans in anyway, I just think the concept is amazing and, as an American, I think it is a funny joke especially when looking at media headlines.

Central Ratsnake (Pantherophis alleghaniensis)

Okay, we have to start with the longest snake in Virginia, being the Central Ratsnake. The photo to the right is one of those speculative photos I mentioned above. I show this photo often, as I think it is one of the best photos and examples of a "textbook" Central Ratsnake I have taken. It is funny though, as due to the positioning of the snake, and the lack of scale, how off people are at guessing. The most common guess is 3 feet and 5 feet. I suspect people want to stay conservative in their guesses to not drum-up fear or the appearance of being afraid, but I have had people suggest this snake was over 9 feet!

Central Ratsnake | © Ty Smith

The same Central Ratsnake with a disheveled Ty for Scale | © Evan Spears

On the left is the same snake with me looking my worse to scale. I had literally just woken up from a nap in the car after a long day leading a bird club field trip to Warbler Road. Enough though of my dischevalness, you want to know how big was this snake. Well, she was about 76 inches, or 10.85 bananas. That is just over a quarter of a 25 foot rope. What was the largest Central Ratsnake on record? I don't know... If you Google it or look at VHS it will say 101 inches... but that snake was not a Central Ratsnake... That snake was documented in Texas (prior to the "Common Ratsnake" being split into three species), and was therefore a Western Ratsnake (Pantherophis obsoletus).

To my knowledge, there has been no studies to determine how the size varies among these different species. Now, you could argue that they shouldn't be species, and that is fine, but even one species can vary across their range (White-tailed Deer are a great example of this). You could argue that all of these species are all roughly the same size, but that one individual to set the record was an outlier and one individual can only belong to one species unless it is a hybrid. Either way, we can say this 14.412 banana-long snake was not a Central Ratsnake. The fact when you Google Western Ratsnake, Central Ratsnake, Eastern Ratsnake, or Gray Ratsnake (now part of the Central Ratsnake) or any species in that convoluted conjuncture of past and present names, this one snake shows up as the record for them all shows we have a bit of work to do... It is one thing to say the share an average, like most adult Ratsnakes weigh just over 7.5 bananas... but you can't just split one snake into three species and claim it for the record...

Little Grass Frog (Pseudacris ocularis)

How small do you have to be for "little" to be in your species name...? Well, just smaller than your related species... This dime-sized frog grow barely over .5 inches. Can you guess how much this monstrosity weighs? Well, keep guessing, as I can find no record of someone weighing one of these little guys... I would speculate based on my experience though, that a dime would be a fair bit heavier. In bananas, that would be close enough to round to zero bananas... What is crazy to me is they are fairly lanky frogs, so they aren't even really big among dime-sized animals. The best analogy I can say for size, is to think of an Altoid...

Little Grass Frog being... well, little... | © Ty Smith

Common Snapping Turtle (Chelydra serpentina)

Ty handling a 40+ pound swamp monst... I mean Common Snapping Turtle | © Evan Spears

The Common Snapping Turtle has to be talked about here, as they can get big... How big? Well big enough that I don't use inches to measure them... but in the ballpark of 20 inches in shell length... That is two 10 inch dinner plates. Obviously... and larger than the tires on a Honda Civic. So, how do we measure Snapping Turtles? We weigh them. The guy to the left is over 250 pounds... That is me (don't judge). The turtle I am holding is about 40 pounds. That is only about 150 navel oranges (orange you glad I didn't say bananas). Growing up, I caught a Common Snapping Turtle that maxed out a 50 pound scale for weighing fish...

I hear people talk about giant snapping turtles in their pond, and they think they are 100+ pounds. Then I say, that is bigger than most dog breeds... A standard dog food bag weighs 50 pounds, so do you suggest the turtle was larger than a dog food bag...? Most people then say, "Well, maybe not..." This is one of the many great benefits of using common objects to measure animals. It makes communication easier to people who are not constantly dealing with measurements.

Now, the record for a wild Common Snapping Turtle was about 75 pound, almost 2 whole four-year-old children. The largest captive Snapper was 86 pounds, which is just over two whole your-year-olds... or .38 Tom Bradys.

Northern Pygmy Salamander (Desmognathus organi)

The Northern Pygmy Salamander is another tiny amphibian that no one has apparently tried to weigh with a scale small enough to capture a reading... It is a whole .281 bananas long, maxing out just shy of 2 inches. I really wanted to compare it to toothpicks for weight, but I cannot find a weight anywhere for this species... You can see the adult to the right is resting on a fallen Red Maple Leaf, so not exactly a big salamander on a big leaf. I guess one could say this salamander is about the size of a cigarette butt.

Northern Pygmy Salamander | © Ty Smith

Southeastern Crowned Snake (Tantilla coronata)

Virginia's smallest native snake is the Southeastern Crowned Snake. I set a penny next to the subadult shown to the left, and realized afterwards that the penny wasn't as near it comparatively as I thought... This snake maxes out around 10 inches, or 1.6 ballpoint pens. On average, and 8 inch animal weighs about .07 ounces, or 1/10th of a dry spaghetti noodle... Wait... That seems weird... a penny weighs .09 ounces and a spaghetti noodle weighs between .5 and .7 ounces...? Eh, take that one with a grain of salt... and salt the water before adding the noodles...

American Bullfrog (Lithobates catesbeianus)

The largest frog in North America, is the American Bullfrog. This bullfrog-sized titian... wait... well, they can weigh upto 1.8 pounds. That would be a loaf of bread (minus the heels), .2 gallons of milk, or a carton of a dozen eggs. In addition of weighing the combined weight of .0006 Honda Civics (not sure why I am stuck on that car in particular today) or 3 standard office staplers, this frog can reach lengths of 8 inches nose to butt... or snout to vent as we say in science... For reference (and so you don't have to search for it), other things that are 8 inches include a bottle of water, a mouse pad, 1.142 bananas.

This species can jump upwards of 6 feet when necessary, which is 72 paper clips, .017 football fields, or 1.09 Ty Smiths... Bullfrog math is fun, but let's wrap up on something colossal.

Leatherback (Dermochelys coriacea)

The Leatherback is the largest turtle on the planet. They are breathtaking to see, and yes, they do migrate through our waters. This turtle can reach lengths of 74 inches. That is about 10.56 bananas, 74 paperclips, 1.14 Ty Smiths, .0171 football fields, 12.33 ballpoint pins, 9.25 bottles of water, 9.25 mouse pads, 49.33 cigarette butts, 7.4 ten-inch plates, 4.625 Honda Civic tires, 184 dimes, and about a quarter of a 25-foot rope... Now this is shell length, so it weighs a bit more than a typical Ratsnake... It weighs about 1,000x the average Ratsnake to be precise... Well, maybe not too precise as it is an average... Can our human measuring capabilities ever truly be precise...?

These massive turtles can grow to 2,000 pounds! That is 2/3rds of a Volswagen Beetle, 1,000 loaves of bread (with the heels), 2,000 dozen eggs, 222.22 gallons of milk, 7,559.873 bananas, 45,715 dry spaghetti noodles (if Google is right), 4,000 navel oranges, 40 50-pound dog food bags, 50 four-year-old human children, 8.89 Tom Bradys, 355,556 pennies, and 907,184.7 paper clips. Now, my mom's banana pudding recipe calls for